Some Things Should Never Be Seen
by Sergeant-Politeness
Summary: While walking home an innocent bystander catches sight of something shocking. Omc, Batman/Joker One-Shot M for lanuage.


It was cold tonight, Gotham was freezing, having to walk home from a double shift waiting tables so wasn't worth the five dollars and fifty cents an hour. I think if I were to be mugged right now the would be muggers would actually give me a handout. I was wearing a cheap windbreaker, I bought at goodwill, khakis, bright yellow smock (required work-wear), old tennis shoes, and a name tag that said Tom, my name is Mike. Yeah I feel like a winner.

As I finished that lovely thought another gust of wind comes through and I think I died for a second, it was so cold. I still had about ten blocks to go, God if your listening right now if you stop the wind right now I swear I'll be a better person, I'll go to church, I'll stop calling the "dating" phone networks, just please stop the wind.

I wait and look around after a minute the wind dies down. YES! God loves me, suck that Sister Margaret! I start waking and less then a minute later I hear thunder. NO no no no please don't rain.

Yeah it was raining right now, I think I owe Sister Margaret an apology. Ugh! I duck into an alley way to get out of the rain. I'm standing under an apartment's balcony when I hear cackling. A shiver runs down my spine and I'm sure it's not because of my rain soaked smock.

"Bang!"

"Crash!"

I take a look around and I see a purple suit and black cape. I take the initiative and jump into a nearby dumpster. While sitting in the dumpster I re-evaluate my life.

The alleyway fills with noise mostly the sounds of a fight. I've seen the news the last thing I want to do is get in the middle of a fight between a killer clown and a masked vigilante. But the stray cat currently residing in the dumpster had other ideas, it started clawing at my leg apparently it thought I was a threat to the week old sushi it had it's eye on. I was trying to discreetly shut the cat up before I had to deal with the masked crazies in the alleyway.

But I guess I wasn't quiet enough since both Batman and Joker had stopped their violent rampage. I thought quickly, grabbed the cat and shoved it through the top of the dumpster. After a moment of pure silence I heard the fight resume.

Whew! I was sweating like a whore in church I was so nervous. The escapades with the cat left a crack in the lid of the dumpster, enough to see but not be seen. I took a risk and looked.

Wow, Batman was really tearing into the Joker, and Joker looked like he was having the time of his life. The two were so loud I didn't need to strain to hear.

"Batsy I -oof, love you, ya know that?"

"Ugh! (another punch landed) Wanna know why?"

"NO" The gravely voice of Batman was calm yet filled with hate at the same time, it was unnerving. Joker's voice was the exact opposite loud and filled with mirth.

"HA HA that's why Batsy right there it's the way you pretend you're so uninterested yet your actions speak volumes!"

Batman had actually stopped pummeling the clown in order to converse with the insane madman, This is so stupid the dumbest thing I've ever done by far but damn this was interesting, I haven't had cable in a few months, due a lack of monetary flow but that's beside the point, who has ever gotten to see the Batman and Joker interact so closely and lived to tell the tale.

"Hmm you think I'm interested in you that's absurd, you are nothing, you are no one, you make the world a worse place, and when I get you back to Arkham I hope they put you so deep into the hospital walls you never find your way out." Batman concluded.

"Wow bravo and the award for the most heartbreaking speech goes to, drum roll please... Heath Ledger for "Brokeback Mountain", sorry Batsy maybe next year." Joker crooned.

That earned him another body slam but damn that was funny, I was trying to stifle my laughter in my arm also trying to escape the wicked stench from inside the dumpster but back to the action.

The duo continued on, While I watched something began to unnerve me. The way Batman looked when he tore into the madman was intriguing, his eyes were a mirror of the clown's, filled with excitement like he was having the time of his life, it was odd because the rest of his face was cold or at least trying to be, his mouth would occasionally twitch when the Joker would make his mad jokes.

It was almost as if the Batman liked his personal time with Joker, not in a "I like to Kick crazy clown ass" way but in a "play date with my favorite toy" kind of way. No one knew much about Batman only that he liked to fight crime and kick anyone's ass who broke the law. A lot of people in the city think he's a menace but I just think he's nuts. I mean come on the guy wears a freaking Bat suit. I mean it's not like I don't appreciate what he does for the city, lord knows he's saved at least half the cities's ass time and time again but something about him unnerves me, I think it's the whole "dresses up as a creature of the night" thing and especially now that I can hear his voice, it sounds as if his throat's been slashed.... recently. Although if his throat is slashed it matches his boyfriend's face.

Over time you could see that Batman's blows weren't hard at all but playful, well as playful as Batman can be. The Joker played along laughing and egging the Bat on.

"Aw looky here Batsy's gone soft!"

"Put your back into it!"

"I've hit children harder!"

"That last one tickled!"

"That last punch wouldn't even faze my grandmother!" Joker spat out.

"Yeah well you probably killed your grandmother." Batman Joked.

BATMAN JOKED? WITH THE JOKER? This night was getting weirder and weirder.

Somehow the duo ended up on the alleyway floor and their faces were too close for my comfort, and the look in Batman's eyes matched Joker's, a look that was a mixture of complete love and a crazed look of complete insanity. I looked away I was already going to have nightmares for months I didn't need to add to my neurosis.

Luckily something disturbed Batman and he makes a quick leave. "Stay out of trouble! And maybe I'll see you later!" Batman growls.

"Promises promises" Joker sighs.

With a disappointed face the Joker gets up from the cold, rain soaked, ground and makes his way out of sight. Sometime into the fight I hadn't noticed that the rain had stopped.

I climb out, sore and filthy, at least the rain has stopped. As I look at the sky I see that the Batsignal is out in the sky, no wonder Batman made a quick getaway. I shudder as I remember the night's events and a certain Bat atop a clown. When I turn to make my way out of the alley I see green hair.

"Well, well, well look at the looky loo did you like the show we put on.?"

I was too stunned to even speak, and I think I wet my pants a little, or maybe a lot.

The Joker was standing in the only exit the alley had. The clown was standing in his usual apparel, which included a green suit (minus the jacket) purple dress shirt, and his regular make up. All of which was either covered in dirt or smeared. Even the clown's signature green hair was sopping wet and the green had washed out a bit. The look on his face negated how the man looked like a washed out cat, the fury and amusement there was frightening.

"I-I-I uh" I spoke oh so intelligently.

"You got a little show out of me and my Bats, didn't you. Joker cackled.

Damn now I wish Batman had stuck around.

"I-I-I uh"

"Not one with words I get it, words I'm not a fan of but wanna know what I really love?"

"SCREAMS! They warm the cccc-cockles of my heart, and I have a feeling by the time the night's over my hearts gonna be as warm as a fire, and you're throats gonna be red." Joker smiled.

The Joker started to advanced towards me, I couldn't get my legs to move.

We are going to have so much fun tonight!" Joker licked his lips and pulled a butterfly knife from one of his pockets. "So much fun indeed."

The last thought in my head was how much of a bad idea it is to walk in on the Joker's one-on-one time with the Batman.


End file.
